I got a phone call this morning from a dear old friend. It was early, about 7:30 am, and I haven’t talked to her in a few months. I smiled when I saw her name on the caller ID and picked it up with my cheerful good morning voice.
She obviously was not having a good morning! She was crying, and with the trembling in her voice I immediately knew something was wrong. Her boyfriend of five years had just broken up with her and she was heartbroken.
We were on the phone talking for a while, but mostly I was just listening. I heard her pain, her sorrow and her deep feelings of regret, of confusion, and of sadness.
I felt like crying for her! I know exactly how she is feeling and I couldn’t help but relate her experience to how I felt when I “broke up” with my eating disorder.
When we decide to let go of the eating disorder, it is similar to breaking up with a lover, letting go of a relationship that filled our needs at the time, a relationship that we had held so close for so long.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not “romanticizing” the eating disorder, because for me, the eating disorder was like a “boyfriend” a “best friend” and “lover” that I leaned on for support, for comfort, for easing my pain for so many years. In the same way that she and her boyfriend broke up, we too have to technically “break up” with the eating disorder in our recovery from eating disorders!!
As we talked I heard her say how she doesn’t know what to do, how to go on without him.
I too didn’t know how to live without the eating disorder behaviors/thinking. It was as if I didn’t know how to live without it, just as she had grown so accustomed to having his presence and relationship in her life – so is it with the eating disorder.
It is hard to break up with our eating disorder, and sometimes we don’t always want to. In our recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating, we don’t want to have to start all over from scratch. We don’t want to feel vulnerable and sad and lonely and anxious!!!
We don’t know what comes next and we are afraid of the unknown!!
There is confusion – how did this happen? We blame ourselves, we blame others, and we try to analyze it to figure out “what happened.”
We feel desperation and confusion – we know we must move on, move past it if we are to go on with our recovery from eating disorders, but a part of us doesn’t want to at all!
Most of all, we don’t know how to fill that void that the eating disorder had filled and we are terrified of being lonely.
For my friend, she had dreams of marrying this man and raising a family with him. Her hopes, dreams and expectations of him and their life together had been shattered. Broken open and now she faces her future unknown. Who is she without him and their relationship?
Now the question for YOU becomes, who are you without your eating disorder?
Or better yet, what potential blessings and opportunities could come out of this eating disorder recovery process?
In essence, we are breaking up with the relationship with the eating disorder and in the process we are gaining a relationship with ourselves. Yayy!! This can be exciting and magical and fun! And it truly can be if we choose to change our perspective and the way we perceive our life.
Truth is, we can be whoever we want to be, whoever emerges from within. Our inner self/spirit is waiting to be heard, to be birthed and embraced, and is accessible through our deep sorrow and pain.
Through traumatic and painful experiences comes a dark night of the soul so to speak. It is about questioning and examining the very things we believed about ourselves and our world for so long.
Our recovery from eating disorders is about opening up to a deeper meaning of life, of looking at the world and of relating to ourselves.
It is learning that you are so beautiful and expansive inside! If only you would be willing to access this source and truly realize your power! You are a magnificent being that has such light and love radiating from your core, from every cell in your body.
Sometimes it takes these kinds of “soul-shattering” experiences to get to a deeper level in our eating disorder recovery and in our life.
We just have to be open to the possibilities for blessings to flow in. When we “break up” with our eating disorder we have tremendous possibilities that open up to us.
It is when we are broken open are we truly able to accept new and more healthy and nurturing things to flow into our lives.
So what do we do when we decide to break up with the eating disorder behaviors and all the dysfunctional thinking that comes with it?
In times in our recovery from eating disorders such as these, when the despair and loneliness about “breaking up” with the eating disorder is at its worst, it is most important to reach out.
Reaching out for support is crucial, and women with eating disorders tend to isolate and go inward at these times. Please, go against your comfort zone and talk to someone!
Call a friend or a family member and reach out! Or even if it is just to email me or post online at a forum for support – please reach out in some way. You will find that at times such as these there are others that feel the same way; you are not alone!
Another important thing to do is journal. Start writing your heart out! You don’t have to know what you are writing about, just start writing! Half the battle is in picking up the pen and paper. Once you start writing, you might be surprised as to what comes out on paper. If you don’t like to write, then start an online journal. Livejournal.com is just one of many online journal clients that are free, and typing allows you to write much faster than writing by hand. Personally I use both and find there are times for each.
So what wisdom did I impart on my friend? Simply that she is amazing and that her (ex)boyfriend was unwilling or unable to see her true beauty and love her unconditionally. There is definitely a meaning and a blessing hidden within her pain, behind all of our painful and trying experiences in this life. I shared with her how amazing she is and that this might be exactly what she needs in her life right now to start figuring out who she really is and what makes her happy.
She deserves to give herself all the happiness and love in the Universe and so do you!
She will learn she doesn’t need a relationship to fill all of her needs, just as you will realize that you can find new, healthy and nurturing ways to meet your needs, without using the eating disorder behaviors!
As you begin learning how to love yourself and learning how to forgive yourself and others, you will find that this opens the space for our true desires to be brought to us, whatever they may be.
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So where are you in the process of “breaking up” with your eating disorder behaviors?
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What are you most afraid of in letting go of this relationship?
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What is the biggest change for you in your personal “breakup” with your eating disorder?
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What potential blessings and opportunities could come out of this eating disorder recovery process for you?
I would love to hear your answers, so please share in the comments below!!
You are so worth it, my dear.
Peace, Love + Freedom,
