For me, the eating disorder behaviors were a distraction.
I wasn’t happy.
I didn’t feel fulfilled or content.
I hated myself.
I wanted to disappear and scream at the top of my lungs at the same time.
I wanted things to change and things to stay the same at the same time.
I was so confused and didn’t know what I wanted.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I was skinny and happy I would have everything I wanted.
Boy was I wrong!!!
The eating disorder ran me over and took control.
I was so close to death.
Today I’m so grateful to be alive!! 🙂
For so many of us, our eating disorder recovery is learning how to live again. Our recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating definitely involves learning how to eat again but also how to deal with life again.
We have learned ways of dealing with life that do not serve us but only serve the eating disorder dysfunction. The eating disorder behaviors and symptoms can run our life if we let them.
We must learn in our eating disorder recovery how to heal ourselves and the relationships around us. We must learn how to love ourselves and love our lives.
We must learn how to forgive and how to let go of some of those things that we have been holding on to. We must grow and learn and change in order to move forward in our recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating. We must learn to make peace with our bodies and with food.
In our eating disorder recovery we learn who we really are.
We must learn how to have faith in ourselves and in others. You do have it in you what it takes to fully recover and gain back your confidence. You can believe in yourself and love yourself unconditionally. Your eating disorder recovery goes much deeper than just learning how to live without the behaviors.
Here I have a few [positive] eating disorder poems I have written during inpatient treatment for bulimia and depression back in late 2006. Enjoy 🙂
December 4, 2006
The Beauty within
pours out
When you fill your cup
when the lion roars
and you surrender
The deepest connection
to your soul is you
and all your infinite
Wonderfulness.
This life is a gift
Who are we to take it for granted?
I don’t need
anything more
to be happy.
I can be me
the me I’ve always wanted to be
that’s cracked through her shell
removed her mask
and stepped into the light of the world.
December 5, 2006
This moonlit morning
bears my soul
My wondrous being
inside me
She wants and does
exactly what
She does because
she wants to
Its splendid to be
here with these
choices on my plate
in control
of my destiny
and don’t you know
I want this
Lauren I’m so
proud of you
each + every day
you endured the storm
the pain + strife
and now you’re moving forward.
December 6, 2006
Up + up she goes up high
Accelerated program to the sky
wandering around in nothingness
doesn’t want to say goodbye.
Like an eagle soaring into the wind
her too she will not fail
pressing harder, flying higher
attempt hard work she will avail.
It’s not as easy as it seems
like riding a bike the 1st time
you try + its hard to do
but eventually you ride in line
It’s amazing looking back on these writings from early on in my eating disorder recovery. Recovering from an eating disorder is hard work but it can be done.
In these eating disorder recovery poems here I write about cultivating qualities such as hope, faith, love, determination, perseverance and acceptance.
What qualities are you working on developing in your eating disorder recovery?
Peace, Love + Freedom,
