I feel so sad sometimes thinking about how many women are still struggling with the eating disorder, with deeply entrenched addictive patterns, programmed with negativity.
I have so much compassion and yet my heart just cracks wide open and a fire gets ignited in my belly– because it means I have MUCH more work to do here in the world… 🙏🏻
I remember being in a place where you might be at now– hating myself so much, hating life, hating my body and most of all hating myself.
Hate is such a strong word, and yet I truly had so many STRONG deep rooted negatively charged emotions and limiting beliefs around what it means to be human.
I had a completely distorted view of what the world was.
I didn’t know what my purpose was, what the point of life was even.
I almost died in pursuit of the darkness.
I allowed it to encompass me. I got lost in its depth and power.
I succumbed to it, I’ll admit.
I loved the fucked-up-ness in a weird fucked up way.
I thought it was the only way to gain what I wanted, in the beginning it made me feel good, it met my needs to be loved, to be accepted, and it kept me safe. It was my best friend and my worst enemy.
It almost completely snuffed out my light. Had I allowed it, my soul would have been completely crushed.
Yet in the depths of the darkness, there was still a part of me, however small that kept her tiny light shining.
Back then it was yet a small ember of what was to come.
In those moments of desperation, of petrifying fear, depression and anxiety, I still had a glimmer of the deeper truth…
Maybe I was simply just looking for meaning in my struggle.
Maybe I needed to go so far down and hit massive rock bottom to even being willing to change.
Either way, one thing I came to understand to be true– that I was going through this for a Higher Purpose.
In those deepest darkest moments of suicidal ideations, I realized I actually did NOT want to die. But finding the willingness to actually want to LIVE was the hard part…
And as I write this, I want you to know that where you’re at is completely okay. You don’t need to go to the depths of where I’ve been to know that you absolutely want to recover and break free. At the same time you might be there now, or have been there in the past and can completely relate.
The reason I’m sharing all of this is because I feel that we need to as women, begin to discover what our purpose is here on this earth– to find meaning in the struggle, and discover how our unique talents and gifts can serve the world.
I truly believe that if we taught purpose, passion and soul alignment, principles of self love and compassion, authentic relating, breathwork, meditation, emotional intelligence and energy control in schools that this would absolutely CHANGE THE WORLD.
Could you imagine a world where women felt empowered in their own being to be FREE to express herself, give back and offer her own unique contribution to the world? To be who she was Divinely Created to be?
We all have a place, we all have value to offer to others, and we all have unique gifts and talents that are rarely tapped into.
What I’ve realized a huge component of recovery is that there must be an element of finding your purpose and passion and doing what you truly LOVE.
Discovering what your SOUL craves… because otherwise, what would be the point?!?
There’s some part of your eating disorder, your addictions that is filling a void, a deep dark hole inside of you that is yearning to find fulfillment.
What would be the point of going through all the struggle, all the pain, all the messiness and hurts and difficulties, if you weren’t meant to use it in some way to find your true purpose and path in this life?
Sure you can see it from a different perspective and say that “yes Lauren I believe that life is random and chaotic and has no meaning” and that would also be fine with me. I used to believe that, and I CHOSE a different belief. And I would send you on your way because you clearly aren’t on the same life path OR you’re just not ready to hear my message yet!!
Because what I’ve truly found is that the women who HAVE FULLY RECOVERED have found a greater purpose and fulfillment in their life AND gone after it with all of their heart.
It’s not simply about just “letting go of the behaviors.” Women who only focus on only that rarely go on to sustained and permanent recovery. #truth
The women who DO — these women have found meaning and purpose in their struggle.
They’ve come to a realization that everything they’ve been through was for a reason.
They’ve developed themselves to a place where they are BECOMING THE WOMAN THEY ARE TRULY MEANT TO BECOME as a result of the struggle.
They learn the lessons they are meant to learn through these experiences.
And it could simply just be that having the eating disorder, experiencing the trauma that you have been through, growing up the way you did– was all in service of you learning to love yourself.
Thank GOD for the eating disorder then!! If I never had the eating disorder and other addictions I would have NEVER learned how to love myself.
I would have never had to learn to accept myself. Learn to forgive myself and others. Learn to surrender, let go and trust. And SO many more lessons and whatever your lessons were or continue to be, as we are always in a continual state of growth and evolution along this path.
THIS is healing.
THIS is true recovery.
Finding purpose in the struggle.
Knowing that what you have been through is for a reason.
It’s not that you will have this forever.
I mean technically you could if you wanted to.
If you chose not to believe in life after your eating disorder. If you chose to give up on yourself, on life, on love, on purpose, passion and fulfillment.
I know with every fiber and cell of my being that YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO STRUGGLE with the rest of your life. That YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN BREAK FREE AND PERMANENTLY RECOVER.
To embrace this knowing for you simply comes from MAKING A NEW DECISION to see your struggles through new eyes.
Understanding that it might not make sense right now. You might be hating life, struggling with shit you don’t understand, that you’re frustrated and confused about.
One day my hope is that you will wake up grateful for all that life has given to you.
One day my hope is that you will remember reading this article and realize– “WOW she was right.”
That everything you have been was through was such a GIFT to you.
I know you can do this.
You have what it takes.
I believe in you. And I will believe in you and your dreams until you believe in yourself and your ability to create it.
You are a powerful divine woman who is meant to shine her light into the world!!
It is now time for you to stand up, to claim your place in this world, to begin to OWN who you truly are, let go of the eating disorder and step into your new life with reckless abandon.
Won’t you join me?
THIS is the way towards freedom.
Sending sooooo much love and healing energy your way beautiful soul!!!
In light + love,
LAUREN LOVE 🌴