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I’ve been lost for words lately.

It’s been over a week since I’ve posted on the blog.

I don’t know why I’ve been so “out there”

Sometimes things happen in our lives and we go off course.

We get off track and then we think, “what happened?”

I know this used to happen a lot for me early on in my eating disorder recovery.

Everything seemed to be going great, life was flowing on, I was sticking to my recovery for bulimia, my meal plan, all of those wonderful activities that I know I need.

And then BAM all of a sudden, shit would hit the fan.

I didn’t understand what happened and then I would struggle to get back on course, to stop the eating disorder behaviors, the eating disorder thoughts, and get on with my recovery for bulimia.

What if we didn’t struggle?

Even now, sometimes I sit with myself and there are things that I wrestle with in my mind.

Why am I not doing ____ better?

Why am I not doing ____ because I know I should be doing it.

I guess I caught a case of the “shoulds”.

The “shoulds” keep us trapped in a land where we know in our mind what we should be doing, but in our actions we are not doing it.

Then we feel bad about not doing the “shoulds” and then we get further and further away from actually doing it.

How do we then jump back on course in our eating disorder recovery?

Don’t struggle.  Let life flow…

Keep faith in yourself and your life.

Believe anything is possible.

And Most Importantly…BE EASY ON YOURSELF

Life goes on.  We can learn to get back on course without struggling or resisting.

Here’s what I have to say about the “shoulds”:

OH WELL!

If we get down on ourselves for things we “should” have been doing, then we will constantly be stuck in a place where we are NOT in the moment and we are stuck thinking about or regretting the past!

FORGIVE YOURSELF and MOVE ON!

So you weren’t doing what you “should” have been doing?  Okay, great.  It’s okay.  Really it is.

This is the only question that you can answer:

What can you do today?

All we have is today.  What can you do today for your eating disorder recovery?

What can you do today that expresses love for yourself and makes you feel good, moving you forward in your recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating?

If you keep worrying about the past, you’ll be stuck in the land of wishing you would have done things you should have been doing.

Release yourself of the “shoulds” while you’re recovering from an eating disorder and just do today ONE THING for your eating disorder recovery.

You deserve it.

Love you!

 

Here are some eating disorder poems for you to enjoy related to moving on, actually being in our eating disorder recovery and being triumphant!!

December 3, 2006

My recovery is coming

I can see it, feel it

flowing through my veins

beating throughout my body

keeping me alive.

I want it

I need it

to keep me alive

otherwise, what else do I have?

I don’t want to stare death in the face again

It ran me over

slammed me down

held me in death’s grip

dragging me across the floor

I have been released

Life has begun again

I get a 2nd chance

Life can be beautiful again

I want it that bad.

I want to love myself,

love my emotions.

It’s getting easier.

I just have to remember

This too shall pass.

 

December 9, 2006

Stay with the feelings

What was it like for you

the sadness

the hurts

buried deep

Rooting them up

unearthing them

+ facing them once again

the pain

the sadness

Healing the cuts + bruises

that have hindered my soul

all my life

beating me down

Healing, getting to know the real me

scabs growing over creating

new skin a new life

happiness can come

eventually, inevitably by

Releasing the pain

the torment

See the feelings

accept the feelings

validate the feelings

Feeeeeeeeeeel.

Then you can become whole,

Happy.  Ecstatic.

 

December 10, 2006

Dare to believe

in love’s goodbye

in a peaceful morning

and a calming sunset.

 

Dare to believe

the opposite of everything you’ve known

that life is worth it

and you deserve it.

 

Dare to believe

that people like me for me

that I am beautiful

that I am worthy.

 

Dare to believe

that a power greater than myself

can restore me to sanity

that I can love + be loved.

 

Dare to believe

that I can make it

that I can beat this thing

and come out victorious.

 

December 13, 2006

This evening sunset

possesses all the qualities

that we have within us

Peace, Serenity, Calmness, Love

they radiate from her

as they do from you

This magical sunset

Lights us up inside

Filling us up with its warmth

the hole that was once

tearing us up inside

is slowly mending as we gaze into this

Miraculous sight before us

The ocean is serene,

no waves today.

For nature knows its own beauty

and the happiness it brings

to those who seek it

the present moment takes us back

to a day where we had no worries

Childlike Innocence

this sunset knows the peace it brings

as the day slowly closes before us

and reminds us once again that

this too shall pass…

 

 

December 22, 2006

Perfect

so perfect

pieces fit together

like a puzzle

long forgotten

pushed under the rug

covered in dust

as the final piece

is snapped

perfectly into place

I begin to smile

warm + fuzzy

happiness overcomes me

I’m happy again

 

December 25, 2006

I find that as my days go on

the days get easier

I fall in love a little more

I like myself a little more

It doesn’t get easier but

I have a little more understanding

compassion, love

for myself + others

I am learning to love life

and I do

most days

I actually have hope

I can forgive

I can accept.

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