Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
What if you woke up each and every day with this thought?
That there is nothing other than today.
It’s no wonder why 12 step groups use this phrase “Just For Today.”
Because sometimes that is all we can do, is simply focus on today, right here, right now.
The past six months for me have felt like that. There have been so many days where all I was focusing on was just the here and now. It has felt like I have been hanging on by a thread some days, with all the balls up in the air and not sure if I am going to drop one or all of them.
It has been a wild ride, and I have grown SO MUCH. I also have been realizing how much I have been hiding. Not showing up. Not wanting to share authentically of my journey, my growth, my transformation.
It may be because it felt as though it was unacceptable for me to be experiencing what I was experiencing. As far along as I get in my life, and as much as I have grown, it humbles me to know there is still so much further along to go. The journey of growth, of awakening and empowerment is a life long quest; it is not something that is a one-and-done, or a quick-fix, and in fact it is dangerous if we believe that to be so.
But rather it is a journey, an evolution along our path of whatever it is that we need to learn at that time. The past year has been the next “level up” in my evolution, and I didn’t even realize it until now. Until I’ve come out the other side, bloodied and bruised, lessons in hand, ready to pass on to the next ones in line, to you brave and courageous warriors who are ready to accept this mission.
I have been on this growth path for many years, specifically it was 10 years ago that I began working on myself and 6 years ago that I started this business. From the very beginning, I had set my goals for what I wanted: My goal was to be a stay-at-home-mom running my own 6 figure lifestyle business, where I could make my own schedule and be my own boss while also being able to raise my children the way I want to. I wanted to live in California, and I wanted to be in love in an amazing, healthy, happy relationship that would serve as a powerful example to my children growing up. I wanted a happy family, to live abundantly, to be healthy, happy, wealthy and wise.
With these goals came lofty ambitions. I set these goals every year for myself. FINALLY it would be the year when they came true. And every year I would take steps towards creating and manifesting those results in my life.
Things have changed dramatically since becoming a conscious co-creator of my own life. In the last six years I have moved seven different times in three different states. I divorced the father of my two children, endured the spiritual turmoil associated with loss after being together with him for 7 years.
I have worked on my abundance and money mindset, learned SO much about business and coaching, perseverance, doing the work and showing up no matter what. At one point I even had to go back to work to fund my business and was working 12-14 hour days so that I could get to the point where I could build my business from a place of abundance, not scarcity or lack. I got a job and built my business on the side so that I could show up and serve my clients from a place of love, never from a place of needing to ‘get’ anything from that— but rather from a genuine desire to serve, detached from any outcome or receiving money from those interactions. Of course it did provide, but it didn’t come all at once. It didn’t come quickly, but over time as I shifted and changed myself from the inside out, the external results showed up.
For that is what this journey is really about— our inner journey. Our inner experience towards creating what we want, and the external results is simply the by-product of doing the internal work. The internal shifts produces the external changes.
Back to my story, so I have set all of these amazing goals for myself and have been working diligently chasing after them for so many years. I have invested thousands and thousands of dollars into training programs, coaches, into my own personal development over the years to transform into the woman I wanted to become. Last year in 2016 is when finally the result of all of my transformative work really MANIFESTED in a very POWERFUL way.
I got EVERYTHING that I wanted. I CREATED it. EVERYTHING I had been setting intentions around— soulmate clients, a powerful abundant business model, FINALLY taking the leap and moving to California by the beach, health and fitness goals, being able to travel and invest in trainings, the amazing relationship I was desiring, the community and connections with like-minded entrepreneurs, the 6 figure lifestyle business. I. got. it. all.
Holy shit, I am so fucking grateful for that!!! It blows my mind the power of perseverance, of intention and goal-setting and one pointed focus on what we want. I proved to myself YET AGAIN that we can create and have ANYTHING we want in our lives. When I recovered from my eating disorder I thought, “OMG…if I can do THIS, I can do ANYTHING.”
And I have. Most things I put my mind to — I do. I create. I become. I am a powerful manifestor. There is great power is utilizing the Universal powers to creating and attracting what we want in our lives.
But here’s the kicker— I created all of these things but I realized that I still WASN’T happy. There was STILL something missing.
Moving to California last year— upleveling my life in this way REALLY threw me for a loop. Everything I had been working for in my life was to allow me to move back here, to make the money I wanted to make, to provide an amazing life for my children, and to have the lifestyle, health, fitness, relationships and community that I really wanted.
I thought that it would make me HAPPY.
When in actuality, it didn’t.
I was working so hard to create this DREAM life for myself and my family, and at some point the pressure of it all felt too much. I moved here and thought that it would be some kind of magic pill, and everything would suddenly work out.
And it didn’t.
I was MORE stressed, MORE overworked, and I felt like I just wanted to GIVE UP.
I felt alone in what I was going through, I wasn’t “supposed” to feel this way because of how far I’ve come and now I was judging myself for feeling lost, for feeling confused as to what I wanted in my life.
At that time, I was focused more on the external results rather than the internal results I wanted.
I hit a low point at the end of last year and early this year in 2017. I kept thinking to myself “what’s next?” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I felt lost, confused and everything that has happened over the past 6 years came rushing back to me.
I began experiencing so much grief, loss, pain and confusion. ALL of the emotional baggage from the past 6 years began to come up to be processed through.
I was grieving the loss of my former self.
In our personal evolution this is typically known as a dark night of the soul. We begin to question our own existence, the purpose of life and what we are here for. This was one of those times for me.
I haven’t experienced the depths of the pain and suffering like this since I recovered from my eating disorder. On top of feeling all of these emotions, I also was judging myself for actually going through this again! As if it wasn’t bad enough (lol), I was feeling annoyed and mad at myself for feeling the pain, the grief, the sadness, the loss of my old life and former self.
Going through all of this has taught me many valuable lessons, and I am so grateful to finally be on the other side of it. I had a Divine Download come through me at the end of 2016 with a message sharing that the last cycle of growth that I had been on, this phase of my evolution had come to a completion. It was now time for me to say goodbye to my old self and move on to a greater, higher more powerful version of myself.
I have to say, I resisted this for the last two months!! I have been putting it off, denying myself expression in a public space and instead privately going through the emotional processing that I needed to do on myself in order to evolve and step up to the next greatest version of myself.
I am so utterly grateful for this. My life has completely transformed AGAIN. THIS is what makes me happy. I am happy. I am grateful. I am fulfilled.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am finally ready to BECOME and EMBODY the woman I am meant to become (at least this version right now, hehe!!)
What that is you might ask? You will find out— more to come on my journey, so stay tuned!! What I will share is that I am now committed to showing up. I have been selfish in not sharing my message. I have not been valuing my contribution, and have been judging what I have to offer the world. I am no longer going to hold myself back in these old self limiting ways. I am stepping up into becoming the leader I know I was born to be, and I am committed to showing up and serving you in the best way I can. This is my destiny and my purpose and what makes me feel MOST ALIVE.
Today, I invite you to consider your own personal evolutionary journey and ask yourself, where are you not showing up completely? Where do you want and need to commit yourself to creating a life that you LOVE? And what do you need to do to SHOW UP for yourself, to learn to love yourself and let go of what is holding you back beautiful soul?
I am SO GRATEFUL for your presence here.
Thank you for being here and allowing me to guide you along this beautiful, wild and transformative journey.
I know it is not easy, but I promise IT IS WORTH IT.
Sending so much love and healing energy to you today and every day beautiful soul!!!
In light + love,