Raw Ramblings of My Recovery for Bulimia.
Day Three.
The Letter
This was written to my two best friends at the time. Writing this letter admitting I was going into recovery for bulimia was one of the hardest things I did.
October, 2006
Dear _____,
I have something to tell you that is very important and I’m sorry I’ve kept it from you but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. I have an eating disorder and I’ve been struggling with it for a long time.
I’ve been battling it for years, always thinking I could fix myself if I tried hard enough. But the more I tried, the more I would push myself down into a hole, and this time it got so deep that I didn’t have the strength to get up, smile, and pretend everything was okay.
Cause I’m not okay and I haven’t been and I’ve been fooling everyone, even myself sometimes. These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life.
I’m sorry I shut you out but that all I know how to do…when I get into the vicious cycle my ED is at the same time my best friend and my worst enemy.
Right now I’m at the point where I don’t want to live anymore. It has taken so much control over my life that makes me think its not worth it to be going through so much pain.
Nothing is fun or has meaning for me. Nothing is alive anymore.
My recovery for bulimia had officially began for I had actually told people that I was struggling. It felt very empowering to tell someone that I was down because then it gave me permission to get back up again, hopefully with their support.
If you have not told anyone of your recovery for bulimia or your recovery from your eating disorder, you should!! Talking about it either in person or through a letter allows you to shine light on the darkness and let others in on what you’re going through.
I know its not easy.
In fact it was terrifying.
But it was the beginning of learning how to truly express myself.
Learning how to love myself and care for ME.
You are worth it, too love.
Peace, Love + Freedom,
