For me, the eating disorder behaviors were a distraction.

I wasn’t happy.

I didn’t feel fulfilled or content.

I hated myself.

I wanted to disappear and scream at the top of my lungs at the same time.

I wanted things to change and things to stay the same at the same time.

I was so confused and didn’t know what I wanted.

I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I was skinny and happy I would have everything I wanted.

Boy was I wrong!!!

The eating disorder ran me over and took control.

I was so close to death.

 

Today I’m so grateful to be alive!! :)

For so many of us, our eating disorder recovery is learning how to live again.  Our recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating definitely involves learning how to eat again but also how to deal with life again.

We have learned ways of dealing with life that do not serve us but only serve the eating disorder dysfunction.  The eating disorder behaviors and symptoms can run our life if we let them.

We must learn in our eating disorder recovery how to heal ourselves and the relationships around us.  We must learn how to love ourselves and love our lives.

We must learn how to forgive and how to let go of some of those things that we have been holding on to.  We must grow and learn and change in order to move forward in our recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating.  We must learn to make peace with our bodies and with food.

In our eating disorder recovery we learn who we really are.

We must learn how to have faith in ourselves and in others.  You do have it in you what it takes to fully recover and gain back your confidence.  You can believe in yourself and love yourself unconditionally.  Your eating disorder recovery goes much deeper than just learning how to live without the behaviors.

Here I have a few [positive] eating disorder poems I have written during inpatient treatment for bulimia and depression back in late 2006.  Enjoy :)

 

December 4, 2006

The Beauty within

pours out

When you fill your cup

when the lion roars

and you surrender

The deepest connection

to your soul is you

and all your infinite

Wonderfulness.

This life is a gift

Who are we to take it for granted?

 

I don’t need

anything more

to be happy.

I can be me

the me I’ve always wanted to be

that’s cracked through her shell

removed her mask

and stepped into the light of the world.

 

December 5, 2006

This moonlit morning

bears my soul

My wondrous being

inside me

She wants and does

exactly what

She does because

she wants to

Its splendid to be

here with these

choices on my plate

in control

of my destiny

and don’t you know

I want this

Lauren I’m so

proud of you

each + every day

you endured the storm

the pain + strife

and now you’re moving forward.

 

December 6, 2006

Up + up she goes up high

Accelerated program to the sky

wandering around in nothingness

doesn’t want to say goodbye.

 

Like an eagle soaring into the wind

her too she will not fail

pressing harder, flying higher

attempt hard work she will avail.

 

It’s not as easy as it seems

like riding a bike the 1st time

you try + its hard to do

but eventually you ride in line

 

It’s amazing looking back on these writings from early on in my eating disorder recovery.  Recovering from an eating disorder is hard work but it can be done.

In these eating disorder recovery poems here I write about cultivating qualities such as hope, faith, love, determination, perseverance and acceptance.

What qualities are you working on developing in your eating disorder recovery?

 

 

Peace, Love + Freedom,

image of eating disorders help