I want to explain the absolute basic truths that you need to know in your personal recovery from eating disorders – whether you’re in recovery for bulimia, anorexia, binge eating, ednos – it all applies.

I wish there were someone there for me when I was going through it to help me and guide me and relate to what I was going through, when I was going through it.

This post is just for you.

It will give you the tips and tricks to give you the right mindset about recovering from eating disorders and helpful nuggets that are crucially important to remember when going through your recovery.

Here we go.  Weeeeeeee!

1. It sucks.

Haha.. you didn’t expect me to say that did you?

Recovery absolutely does suck sometimes! 

Eating disorder recovery was the most difficult challenge I have ever faced and most likely will be one of the hardest things you ever do. 

 

Yes, it is hard.  Yes, it is uncomfortable and yes it sucks sometimes.

 

Some days you will feel hopeless and some days you will feel on top of the world, and this is all part of the process.

 

I want you to know this up front because there will be days that are so hard and painful and difficult that you absolutely will not want to stick to your recovery.  That is okay.

Of course there will be breakthroughs that will feel wonderful!  You will get glimpses of freedom from ED and you will gain clarity and knowledge and it will feel amazing.

 

But it is equally important for you to know that there will be really, really hard days because you probably will feel – or you may already do feel – as if you want to give up some days.  This is okay too.

 

All of it – the easy and the hard parts – they are all perfect and wonderful and exactly what you are supposed to be going through.

 

For me I knew that I really wanted recovery but it seemed that some days I just would get in my own way.

 

Recovery is !@$#*!? HARD!!!!

 

It is uncomfortable to make changes!  And these are life-altering changes, and because of the nature of our eating disorders, it is a matter of life or death.

 

This part is really important, because as difficult and hard as recovery is…. YOU CAN DIE FROM YOUR EATING DISORDER.

 

I almost died from my eating disorder. 

 

And you could die too from the eating disorder – which is what makes this an EXTREMELY CRUCIAL part to remember.

 

As difficult as recovery is, we must endure because the eating disorder will only bring us endless suffering, hardship, powerlessness, hopelessness and despair. 

 

Eating disorders have one of the highest mortality rates out of all mental disorders.

 

I want to share a part of my story here…

Before I began my recovery, I was extremely bulimic and extremely anorexic**.

 

**I don’t believe in posting numbers so I won’t ever let you know how much I weighed.  This is not a competition and it doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone or haven’t gone – we all suffer no matter what our weightWeight should never be an indicator of our self-worth – it’s only a number for gosh sakes!  The only thing that matters is that you want to get healthy and be free!!**

 

There was a point where I was purging over 20 times a day.  I couldn’t keep any food in my body – it would just automatically “get rid of it.”

 

And not only was I throwing up the food – it really got scary when I started purging blood.

 

I was emaciated – literally just skin and bones and had lanugo** all over my body. 

**For those of you who don’t know – lanugo is fine hairs kind of like “peach fuzz” that grows all over the body of babies in the womb, but some are born with this lanugo.

In eating disordered patients, lanugo “is caused by severe malnutrition and/or emaciation.  Lanugo grows as a physiological response to the body’s inability to maintain it’s body temperature. In anorexics, the body loses so much fat that it is unable to stay warm. Lanugo grows as a way to keep heat in before it dissapates, acting as a blanket. from http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/articles/anorexia/lanugo-definition**

 

I put my body through so much stress and torture with the eating disorder that I am surprised that my heart didn’t give out on me.  

 

Actually it almost did several times.  It felt like I was having a heart attack – I felt extreme pressure in my chest, tightness, and it was hard to breathe.

 

My limbs – my hands and feet and legs would go numb.  I remember times when I would lay on the floor, paralyzed…completely unable to move…sometimes even passing out from the exhaustion, the malnutrition.

 

Many times I was afraid for my own life. 

And Shockingly, these experiences actually gave me hope!!

 

I believe that for me, the eating disorder was not only a way to attempt to gain control over myself and my life, but it was also an unconscious means of punishment…

I hated myself so much I wanted to die.

I hated myself so much that I wanted to disappear…and I was, literally.

Over the years I was slowly killing myself with the eating disorder, spiraling down further and further until I approached death.

 

And can you believe it?  This actually gave me hope!

It gave me hope because when I stared death in the face – I suddenly realized I DIDN’T WANT TO DIE.

 

It was a long slow road out of that place, that horrid space that I created with the eating disorder, but it was the beginning of a life, of hope for a better way of living.

I’m sharing this because I KNOW that if YOU were faced with a similar situation, that YOU TOO would realize you don’t want to die with your eating disorder.

I KNOW and believe in my heart that you would CHOOSE LIFE.

 

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

 

You may have been through something like this or you may not have.   It really doesn’t matter, we all have our own struggles and our stories are all different and unique.

I am sharing this experience with you for one reason and one reason only – so that you can learn from my experiences.

 

I know that you too probably feel exactly like I did – hopeless, helpless, longing for something to fill the void, someone or something to fill you up, to give you love unconditionally, to accept you and to give you the true freedom of expression to fulfill your heart’s desires and be the woman you were truly meant to be.

 

Please, if you haven’t been down the same road as I have, learn from what I have gone through.  It can get much, much worse if you allow it too.  Don’t.go.there.  Trust me.

 

Mine consumed me, threw me down and almost killed me.  I hope and pray that you will find it in your heart to relate to my situation and understand – that it doesn’t have to get that bad for you.

 

Know that FREEDOM AWAITS YOU.

 

It doesn’t matter if your eating disorder has been around for a year, or a month, or ten years or forty years.

 

It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost weight or gained weight.

 

I know you are struggling because you are lost and I am here to show you the way and help you stay on your path of recovery.

 

It can be so difficult some days and feel like %^*()^% hell.  Don’t worry, this is okay – in fact this is actually quite normal.

 

I’m here to let you know that I know what it’s like, I’ve been there too, and I’m here for you.

 

It sucks sometimes but it is ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY, and COMPLETELY WORTH IT. 

The pain and suffering.  The agony, despair, self-hatred and anxiety.  The uncomfortable-ness, the insatiable desire, and hopelessness. 

 

It’s all worth it.  Trust me.


There are so many bigger and better things that you can experience in your life WITHOUT your eating disorder.

 

And this leads me to number 2.

 2. Don’t ever ever ever ever ever ever give up.

 

Don’t ever give up.  Period.  As bad as it sucks and as bad as it hurts to face the fears, the anxiety and traumas of your past, you must go through it.

 

Don’t worry, you can take as long as you like.  You can slip backwards and then take giant leaps forward.

 

You can slither along slowly, quietly at times.

 

Or you can start running and never look back.

 

But please, whatever you do, don’t ever ever ever give up.

 

I know that eating disorder recovery – full recovery – can seem so overwhelming a task to achieve and you might feel afraid that you are going to fail.

 

I know I was afraid that I might never be free from the eating disorder chains, that I would be stuck in the dysfunction forever.

 

How could I want something and not want something at the same time?  Honestly, I was so confused and thought I would be on an endless quest forever to “figure things out.”

 

I’m here to tell you that “being recovered” is possible for ANYONE.  It is available and waiting for those who are willing to seek it and find it and know it and live it!

 

This is Important: no matter what happens, if you don’t give up, you will never fail!

 

You must commit yourself to always working your recovery and never giving up on yourself, no matter how hopeless or difficult it may seem at times. 

 

You are doing this for a reason – your life, health, happiness, and freedom depend upon it! 

 

And the last thing you must know…

 3. You must learn to let go and truly say goodbye.

 

SUPER IMPORTANT.  This is the *key* to *true freedom*.

 

The eating disorder has become a part of you for the time you have allowed it to reside within and manifest in your life.

 

Many of us started out “enjoying” the eating disorder behaviors – I mean come on, we developed the eating disorder for a reason.  It fulfilled a need in our life that we were unable to meet through other means.

 

The problem is that the eating disorder is so seductive and pretends to be our best friend, until it suddenly stabs us in the back and we become trapped in an endless vicious cycle that controls our life.

 

Then suddenly we can’t stop, even though we *want* to.

 

Just as the eating disorder entered our life as a “friend” or “companion” at times, we must now say goodbye to it.  Forever. (yes, this sucks too).

 

You might not want to hear that.  Your eating disorder might be screaming at you, “You’ll never be rid of me!” right now.

 

The “disease mentality” that modern society is immersed in has programmed you into thinking that you will suffer with this “disease” the rest of your life.

 

That’s BULLSHIT.

 

It’s a “dis-ease” meaning you there is some parts of you are not “at ease.”

 

I believe in a holistic philosophy meaning that I believe in healing the entire being – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual (soul) healing.

 

Just as the eating disorder entered your life at one time or another, it just as easily can make an exit.

 

You must consciously choose to say goodbye.

 

You might not feel ready to do this right now.  And that is okay.

There are many parts of your life and in your recovery that you will know you need to take care of before you let go fully.

 

I just want you to know, there will be a time where you will have to say goodbye. 

 

You might even struggle with and mourn this part of you “dying” if you will.  You can say goodbye and allow yourself to move on or you can just open the door and kick it to the curb.

 

No matter what image comes to mind for you when you picture yourself saying “goodbye” to ED, this is a crucial step to take to becoming “fully recovered.”

 

So that’s it.  You absolutely need to know and remember these things when recovering from your eating disorder…

 

  1. Recovery sucks and is really hard sometimes.
  2. Don’t ever ever ever give up and you’ll never fail.
  3. You must say goodbye to ED and allow yourself to let go

 

Looking back, these are the things I wish I knew.  You can “work” your eating disorder recovery as much or as little as you like, but if you don’t remember these three things, you will remain in a state of “recovering” and never make the leap to “fully recovered.”

 

If nothing else, I hope that you know how much I care about you and your recovery because I want you to gain true freedom and break free from the eating disorder chains!!!

 

I want to share it ALL with you so that YOU TOO can lose the eating disorder and GAIN the world!!!

Happiness, love, peace, fulfillment, self-love, creativity, truth, contentment, self-expression, freedom, joy, satisfaction – whatever it is you are seeking or yearning for, they are ALL possible. I can help you achieve whatever it is you desire.

 

Please let me know your comments and let me know if you have any questions – I would be happy to connect with you and share the wisdom to help you in any way I can.

 

Peace, Love + Freedom,

 

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