Here is a poem I wrote when I was at my worst…rock bottom and feeling very depressed. It felt like the eating disorder was overcoming me and I was powerless to stop it. I was so lost, so sick and felt so alone…
June 5, 2007
“Miserable
going down
down- with no one
to catch me.
They
don’t even know I’m falling.
At the bottom
scratching the walls
my fingernails bleeding
silently screaming
for help
Yet
no one can hear my cries
echoing in the
emptiness
can’t hold on anymore.
What’s it like? you ask.
Let me tell you.
Hell. I’m living tortured
hearing these evil voices
telling me to self-destruct.
I can’t stop.
It feels so good I can’t escape it.
I keep hanging on by nothing
lying, manipulating because
that’s what I do best.
I can’t help myself anymore
I’m too weak to get back
up by myself, I need help.
I’m desperate screaming +
smiling + faking at the same time.
I’m not happy
I’ve never been happy +
I don’t know how to be happy.
I’m stuck, stuck deep in the mud
drowning + I don’t know how
to get myself out
because I’ve buried myself
too deep in a hole
buried alive,
can’t breathe,
let the air in,
save me!
Let me live!
Why is this so hard for me to admit?”
I almost can’t believe how far I’ve come as the feelings in this poem seem so foreign, so far away like I was a different person back then.
Do you relate to this poem? How? Would love to hear your feedback!!
Peace, Love + Freedom,
Hi Lauren,
I know this was posted a year ago, but I recently been more active in seeking help and stumbled across your page. You are so inspiration and you have honestly helped me change. I have watched all your videos thus far and I have gained so much faith and courage, it’s just jumping over the next hurdle.
I can related to this poem so much. I have been asking myself the very last question each day. Even now I am still working on it, but it is slowly getting better. This poem resonates with me a lot and is exactly how I feel (in my worst days). I am in a better place, but in a comfortable place which is what makes this next hurdle more difficult. However, I will stay strong even if that means re-reading and re-watching everything that you are posting. Thanks so much for becoming who you are and willing to put your soul into helping others. I am very grateful that I have found you! 🙂
Mandy