I’ve been lost for words lately.
It’s been over a week since I’ve posted on the blog.
I don’t know why I’ve been so “out there”
Sometimes things happen in our lives and we go off course.
We get off track and then we think, “what happened?”
I know this used to happen a lot for me early on in my eating disorder recovery.
Everything seemed to be going great, life was flowing on, I was sticking to my recovery for bulimia, my meal plan, all of those wonderful activities that I know I need.
And then BAM all of a sudden, shit would hit the fan.
I didn’t understand what happened and then I would struggle to get back on course, to stop the eating disorder behaviors, the eating disorder thoughts, and get on with my recovery for bulimia.
What if we didn’t struggle?
Even now, sometimes I sit with myself and there are things that I wrestle with in my mind.
Why am I not doing ____ better?
Why am I not doing ____ because I know I should be doing it.
I guess I caught a case of the “shoulds”.
The “shoulds” keep us trapped in a land where we know in our mind what we should be doing, but in our actions we are not doing it.
Then we feel bad about not doing the “shoulds” and then we get further and further away from actually doing it.
How do we then jump back on course in our eating disorder recovery?
Don’t struggle. Let life flow…
Keep faith in yourself and your life.
Believe anything is possible.
And Most Importantly…BE EASY ON YOURSELF
Life goes on. We can learn to get back on course without struggling or resisting.
Here’s what I have to say about the “shoulds”:
OH WELL!
If we get down on ourselves for things we “should” have been doing, then we will constantly be stuck in a place where we are NOT in the moment and we are stuck thinking about or regretting the past!
FORGIVE YOURSELF and MOVE ON!
So you weren’t doing what you “should” have been doing? Okay, great. It’s okay. Really it is.
This is the only question that you can answer:
What can you do today?
All we have is today. What can you do today for your eating disorder recovery?
What can you do today that expresses love for yourself and makes you feel good, moving you forward in your recovery for bulimia or anorexia or binge eating?
If you keep worrying about the past, you’ll be stuck in the land of wishing you would have done things you should have been doing.
Release yourself of the “shoulds” while you’re recovering from an eating disorder and just do today ONE THING for your eating disorder recovery.
You deserve it.
Love you!
Here are some eating disorder poems for you to enjoy related to moving on, actually being in our eating disorder recovery and being triumphant!!
December 3, 2006
My recovery is coming
I can see it, feel it
flowing through my veins
beating throughout my body
keeping me alive.
I want it
I need it
to keep me alive
otherwise, what else do I have?
I don’t want to stare death in the face again
It ran me over
slammed me down
held me in death’s grip
dragging me across the floor
I have been released
Life has begun again
I get a 2nd chance
Life can be beautiful again
I want it that bad.
I want to love myself,
love my emotions.
It’s getting easier.
I just have to remember
This too shall pass.
December 9, 2006
Stay with the feelings
What was it like for you
the sadness
the hurts
buried deep
Rooting them up
unearthing them
+ facing them once again
the pain
the sadness
Healing the cuts + bruises
that have hindered my soul
all my life
beating me down
Healing, getting to know the real me
scabs growing over creating
new skin a new life
happiness can come
eventually, inevitably by
Releasing the pain
the torment
See the feelings
accept the feelings
validate the feelings
Feeeeeeeeeeel.
Then you can become whole,
Happy. Ecstatic.
December 10, 2006
Dare to believe
in love’s goodbye
in a peaceful morning
and a calming sunset.
Dare to believe
the opposite of everything you’ve known
that life is worth it
and you deserve it.
Dare to believe
that people like me for me
that I am beautiful
that I am worthy.
Dare to believe
that a power greater than myself
can restore me to sanity
that I can love + be loved.
Dare to believe
that I can make it
that I can beat this thing
and come out victorious.
December 13, 2006
This evening sunset
possesses all the qualities
that we have within us
Peace, Serenity, Calmness, Love
they radiate from her
as they do from you
This magical sunset
Lights us up inside
Filling us up with its warmth
the hole that was once
tearing us up inside
is slowly mending as we gaze into this
Miraculous sight before us
The ocean is serene,
no waves today.
For nature knows its own beauty
and the happiness it brings
to those who seek it
the present moment takes us back
to a day where we had no worries
Childlike Innocence
this sunset knows the peace it brings
as the day slowly closes before us
and reminds us once again that
this too shall pass…
December 22, 2006
Perfect
so perfect
pieces fit together
like a puzzle
long forgotten
pushed under the rug
covered in dust
as the final piece
is snapped
perfectly into place
I begin to smile
warm + fuzzy
happiness overcomes me
I’m happy again
December 25, 2006
I find that as my days go on
the days get easier
I fall in love a little more
I like myself a little more
It doesn’t get easier but
I have a little more understanding
compassion, love
for myself + others
I am learning to love life
and I do
most days
I actually have hope
I can forgive
I can accept.