Changing your relationship with food and your body is absolutely essential if you ever want to fully recover and gain true freedom from your eating disorder.

What does your current relationship with food and your body look like?

Do you hate your body?  Criticize it?  Shame it for being “too big, too flabby here, there, and oh yes there too– gross you are SO FATTTT.”

Do you judge yourself by what you eat?  Do you have “good” foods and “bad” foods?  Is it a good day if you’ve been “good” with food, and shit really hits the fan when you have been “bad” or “out of control” with food that day?

Do you promise that you will do things differently tomorrow?  Tomorrow is the day when I will STOP this crazy making behavior!

Do you hate eating and wish you could just never eat again, because that would mean you wouldn’t have to deal with your problems?

I am guilty of all of the above, and more, back in the day when I was still struggling with my hardcore eating disorder.

I hated my body with a passion.  I would constantly berate myself and my body and judge myself based on what I did or didn’t eat in a day.  I based my value on the number on the scale, and how I looked in the mirror.

God it was an awfully depressing way to live.

Food was the enemy.

My body was the enemy.

Mealtimes were the enemy.

Social gatherings with food were the enemy.

All of it brought up such intense and overwhelming levels of anxiety and fear.

I constantly suffered from panic attacks because I didn’t know how to handle all of the anxiety, it was just too much.

The eating disorder was too much.  Life was too much.  I wanted to die and end it all.

I had nothing good in my life, or so I believed.   The opposite of this was actually true– and I’m sure you can relate, as we are SO GOOD at putting on the IMAGE that everything is PERFECT in our lives from the outside looking in, when in reality the absolute opposite is true.  Never judge a person by their social media– you have NO IDEA what is REALLY going on in their lives…

The biggest thing that caused me so much stress in my recovery from anorexia and bulimia was trying to find THE ANSWER when it came to food.

I was constantly searching for the perfect diet plan, the perfect meal plan, the perfect workout plan, the perfect cleanse, the perfect thing on the outside that was going to “save” me and make everything finally all better.

I know you know what I’m talking about– the way we chase those things and how amazing it feels when we finally find something that “clicks” a little bit– but after we try it and fail miserably, we realize FUCK maybe it’s not the meal plan or diet plan at all, but there is obviously something really wrong with me and my relationship with food and my body.

It is not an easy realization to come to.  In fact it is downright scary which is why many women and men simply want to stay in denial, believing, “I’m not THAT bad…”  Some people carry on their ENTIRE LIVES in this mindset, while denying the fact that they have a hardcore eating disorder.  (P.S.– that voice that tells you you’re “not THAT bad” is actually the voice of your EATING DISORDER!! <—-Think about THAT).

For us lucky ones that cannot deny that the anorexia or bulimia or binge eating or food rules or overexercising or laxative addiction or whatever you can’t stop doing has completely taken control of our lives, you are the ones that hold the spark of hope of one day becoming fully recovered.

Why you ask?  Because AWARENESS is the first step in recovery and changing your relationship with food.  You cannot change without first admitting that you have a problem and saying “YES I want and need to make a SHIFT in my life.  I cannot go on living my life this way any longer.”  

The costs outweigh the benefits at this point.  

Because let’s face it:  YOU WOULDN’T KEEP DOING THE EATING DISORDER IF IT DIDN’T SERVE YOU IN SOME WAY.

There is a part of you that is screaming out for your attention:  “This feels WRONG!  You need HELP!  You can’t continue to go on like this!  You deserve better!  You are better than this and deserve to be happy, healthy and free!”

This is the voice of your true authentic self — so TUNE IN and LISTEN TO IT!  It is giving you the truth– even if it feels quiet, or foreign or weird to follow that guidance– take its advice and ACT UPON IT.  Even if it feels like 5% of you is this true voice and 95% is the eating disorder, you can STILL CHOOSE to act on those intuitive impulses to make a change in your life.

SO where do you start?  How do you begin this journey of recovery if you haven’t already?  Or how do you KEEP GOING when you’ve failed, you’ve fallen down and messed it up more times than you can count and you’re not sure you’re ready or know how to do it differently?

Shifting your relationship with food is where we need to start.

Your physical healing acts as your foundation in recovery– so keep this in mind as you move forward, that the physical step is the most important, but it is essential that you break ground in this area so that you can move on to healing the other areas that need attention– your emotional healing, mental healing, and spiritual healing.

And of course there is also relationship healing work, and trauma healing work, sexual healing work, etc but the 4 biggest and important areas to work on healing are: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

~~

What does it mean to shift your relationship with food?

Shifting your relationship means that you no longer “use” food for anything other than physical nourishment.

It means that food is food, food is fuel, food is medicine to our bodies that we need on a consistent basis to maintain wellness and attain a state of amazing physical heath.

It means we take the emotions out of food.

You no longer use food to numb yourself, to stuff down emotions, to purge out emotions, to starve away emotions, to gain relief, safety, comfort, or gain control over yourself, your body, your circumstances.

Yes I am being serious and YES I am asking A LOT!!

Because I know that you are doing all of these things with food– and you might even be using food as an escape, a reward, a punishment, or to have a false sense of security and control over your weight.

The eating disorder can also be described by many women with eating disorders as our “FRIEND.”  Yes exactly, it is always there for us, it is there when no one else is, it is there to comfort us and make us feel better, and it is always there screaming at us, berating us and criticizing us to use food in the dysfunctional way that we do for whatever purpose it is serving you at the time.  Man what a fucked up friend!!!!  But as much as we hate it, we still love it in a fucked up way because it is what is comfortable, natural, and normal feeling to us and it’s been with us for so long, and besides, I can’t let it go because I am too afraid of who will I be without the eating disorder??!?

I know these things to be true because I lived them, and there are millions of women and men out there that are using food in this same way and have this same dysfunctional relationship with food.

So know that you are not alone in what you are going through, and NO YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!

The sad part is that many people would rather DIE then change these habits and let go of the eating disorder.  They might have a small piece of hope but the eating disorder has got such a grip on them that it feels impossible to change.

I know from personal experience that EVEN THESE PEOPLE have a chance for freedom!!!  I have seen many many people at the depths of despair and depression with the ED dysfunctional behaviors come back to live a life of happiness, freedom and fulfillment, so YES recovery is possible for ANYONE.

Anyways back to the food– so changing your relationship with food means that you have to grow up.  

You have to face those parts of you that really want to keep using food in the way that you’ve always used it because it’s easier.  It is definitely the easiest thing to NOT CHANGE, to stay the same because you are scared and miserable and if that is you, and you don’t want to change then why are you here reading this?  I truly believe that everyone who finds my work is READY and is MEANT TO OVERCOME their eating disorder at some point in their life.  The question is, are you ready?

A really important aspect of shifting your relationship with food is that you have to stop labeling and judging the food– and also yourself for what you eat and not eat.  

Foods are not good or bad.  There are no good and bad foods– only what you LABEL them as.

You are not good for eating “clean” or healthy or a certain way.  You are not better or more loved or accepted simply because you eat a certain way.

You are also not bad for eating “junk” food or eating what you “shouldn’t have” or what you’re not “supposed to eat.”

Recovery is NEVER based on, I SHOULD eat this and I SHOULDN’T eat that.

Recovery is based on the idea that ALL FOODS ARE GOOD– your job is simply to find WHAT WORKS FOR YOU by means of nutrition.

To discover– what foods makes your body FEEL GOOD?

What foods make your body FEEL BAD?

What would you like to eat but feel you SHOULDN’T?  Would you like to learn how to face your fear and eat it sometimes?  YES this becomes a goal in your recovery, to shift and change the way you feel about this certain food.

Because you should be able to eat what you want, when you want it.

You should be able to eat all of the foods you like– the “good” ones, and YES even the “bad” ones, although I don’t see it that way.

Food is just food.

It’s just the fuel that gives my body the energy it needs to keep going.

I don’t eat something because I feel I should or shouldn’t.  I eat it because my body wants it and I give it to my body!

When my body craves protein, I feed it protein.

When my body craves carbohydrates, I feed it carbohydrates.

When it wants something crunchy or sweet I give it vegetables or fruit or whatever else sounds good and that would fulfill my body’s needs at the time.

It’s not about having rules.  Or having a strict plan.  Or having a rigid structure of what to follow.

Now you might be thinking, OMG LAUREN how the HELL am I going to do that!?!?!?  I have tried intuitive eating and it hasn’t worked because I don’t know my body that well yet, and I would totally binge, or I would freak out and restrict because I feel like I don’t have any control, etc etc.

OK I KNOW it might feel overwhelming.  And that’s okay.

We start with a simple plan to help you to learn how to tune into your body.

What used to be a strict rigid meal plan can now become the FLEXIBLE FRAMEWORK from which you can grow from.

You can listen to your body’s cues through using a plan to understand more about what hungry and full feels like.

You can use a structured plan to keep your body consistently nourished while you are learning to eat in this way.

This is a whole new way of being for you– and it might feel foreign and awkward and weird.  But I bet for the majority of you, you are thinking– OMG THAT is EXACTLY what I want in my life.

I want to have freedom around food.

I want to be able to make choices around food that I am proud of.  That make me feel good.

I don’t want the eating disorder to rule my life anymore.

I couldn’t agree more– and I’m here to tell you that this is totally possible for you.

It’s simply a matter of learning new skills.

Did you learn to ride a bike in your life?

Have you learned how to use a new app on your phone?

Learned how to run a new program at work?

Same thing here– all we are doing is LEARNING NEW SKILLS.

It isn’t rocket science.

If I can do it, so can you!!

At the end of the month, I will be launching a brand new program to teach you ALL of these skills and much more.

Think about it like a rocket ship launch for your recovery.  

I want to help you start strong and take off in your life and your recovery!!!

This is the place to start.  It starts now.

To get on the list to gain exclusive info about the launch of this new program, click here!!

Get ready, your life is waiting!!!  NOW is the time to take action and TAKE OFF!!!

 

In light + love,

 

P.S. Is there something specific you’d like to learn about when it comes to your relationship with food?  Please share in the comments your questions and I will build them into this new program to give you exactly what you want and need to know!!!  Thanks beautiful souls!!!