Having a dialog with the eating disorder voice is one of the most powerful exercises that you can do as part of your treatment for bulimia.
When I was getting inpatient treatment for bulimia, I didn’t learn this simple exercise and this idea wasn’t really addressed. I mean I knew that I was having extremely negative thoughts that contributed to the eating disorder symptoms, which was why I was getting help for bulimia, but the eating disorder was really part of my identity at that point.
It wasn’t until I realized that ‘I am not my eating disorder’ that my recovery from bulimia took off. I understood that I could actually choose whether or not I wanted to listen to the eating disorder voice. I realized that it was not who I was and I could separate myself from those negative eating disorder thoughts. By doing so, my eating disorder symptoms lessened as my true voice got stronger and louder.
Now this is a lot easier said than done and it takes being aware of what’s going on in your head so that you can distinguish between you and the eating disorder thoughts. It was better for me to actually sit down and write it out so that I could see how distorted and dysfunctional the eating disorder thoughts were.
Here’s something I wrote back when I began to use this exercise as part of my treatment for bulimia:
After dinner I had a really bad urge to binge and purge, but I was able to sit down and write about it. I wrote out a conversation between Mia and myself, which really seemed to help. It went like this:
Mia: There’s xxxx in the cupboard, why don’t you help yourself to some?
Me: No, it’s not on my meal plan and I don’t want to eat it.
Mia: Go ahead, you deserve it. Eat all you want then get rid of it.
Me: No, I don’t want to do that! I want to treat my body with respect!
Mia: Respect me!!! I’m the one that’s been there for you all these years, sticking by your side!!
Me: No, you only helped me hurt myself and made me not love myself! I will not respect you or let you run my life anymore!!
Mia: But I love you and I want to make you happy!
Me: Happiness is NOT engaging in my eating disorder! I’m learning to live without you and be happy with myself! I don’t need you and I’m not going to listen to your lies!!!!
It was weird to write it out but afterward I felt some relief from the urge to want to binge and purge. I was glad that the feeling went away…reminds me of an old favorite quote I used to live by when I was inpatient: “This too shall pass!” Yes, it did pass and I am proud of myself today. 🙂
Writing it out gave me such clarity on the nature of these eating disorder thoughts – they are harsh, mean, negative, vicious and downright not true. They were not based on reality and it’s actually kind of ridiculous!! I believed the eating disorder’s lies for so long until I understood that I could take control back. I could choose to stop identifying with the eating disorder and tell the eating disorder to shut the hell up!!! I then was finally able to move forward with my recovery for bulimia. This simple tool helped me to break free from the eating disorder behaviors & thoughts for good.
Peace, Love + Freedom,
