My life is my canvas. I can create my life to be whatever it is that I want it to be.
Right now it is sad. It is bittersweet. It is lonely.
And I am okay with that.
My pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses my understanding. (quote by Kahlil Gibran)
And so it is that this is the next season of my life, the newest chapter that I first must close, and mourn and grieve, before a new page ~ rather an entirely new book ~ is written.
Those pages are of my past life. Of who I was with the knowledge and experience and wisdom at the time. I was just doing my best. I was surviving, I was living, and I came out the other side thriving, and knowing exactly what I wanted out of life.
Unfortunately what I wanted was in direct contrast to how it was in the moment. And so disharmony is born. Disharmony was born in the arms of knowing I could have it better but having to stay in the moment, which became increasingly uncomfortable.
I needed a change.
I needed to be free.
I needed to be me.
And so little by little, I worked at it and when the time came, I was terrified.
I was terrified but at the same time, underneath the terror was a deep knowing that what I was doing was incredibly right and true.
I chose the path many years ago, and now it seemed that the path was choosing me.
I no longer had a choice and to go back on it would be like pulling the wool over my eyes. I could only move forward.
For so it is in life that we are either growing and changing and moving forward, or we are stuck, stagnant, moving backwards.
For life is movement, life is change, life is unpredictable.
I decided I wanted to dance with life and she began to dance with me, and for me, and through me.
I am now an instrument of this Divine Dance, dancing in the moonlight of my heartache and pain.
For life is not always rainbows and butterflies and sparkles. We must endure the rain, experience our pain and make friends with our shadows.
We have to allow ourselves to move into a space that might feel icky and weird and awkward.
For it is in this allowing and in this feeling that we gain the strength we need to move past it. We gain the wisdom of what it is here to teach us.
What are you here to learn?
It is from this space where opportunity lies.
Today, the sadness resides and I am at peace with my sadness. My pain.
My tears are cleansing my soul and wiping clean the slate of my existence. I am who I am and I can’t deny or distract from what is really going on inside.
For in this place where darkness resides, a light is born.
It glimmers, it sparkles and plays with my imagination. For it was always there and always will reside within the depths of my soul.
The light and the dark make friends and dance together in this desire for wholeness, complete-ness.
It is beautiful and human and divine.
I am opening to the darkness and in doing so, the light encompasses my being.
And I am alive.
I am free.
I am me.
And so it is.
~~