Hi Lauren, thank you for this video and the rest of your website – it has been immensely helpful. I was wondering if you could help with the stage of recovery post-weight gain which I feel is often forgotten in recovery resources. I have been in recovery for 9months now and have no problems with eating now – it is intuitive and healthy but I am really,really struggling mentally. In all honesty I thought that I was recovered but then I realised that I was a certain dress size that I still think is *too big*. Right now I don’t want to wear anything except baggy jumpers (summer is approaching = terrified) and am struggling because an awful lot of recovered inspirational figures are still small sizes! I feel huge and am lacking motivation to do anything other than lay in bed… Basically I was wondering how to get over this hurdle of loving myself at any size, and how to exercise without silly expectations of being a sixpack-slim athlete. I know deep down that I am SO much happier now but things like looking in the mirror and clothes shopping still make me cry. Thank you so much. Helena
Hi Helena!
Thank you so much for your comment and for your kind words, I so appreciate it!! I know exactly what you mean, and this is definitely an aspect of recovery that many professionals and women in recovery overlook. And in fact these are the same thought patterns that contributed me going back to the eating disorder, even after a year of no behaviors thinking I was “recovered.” I realized that if I didn’t change my thinking, that I would ALWAYS struggle with it. It sounds like you are in the same situation, that you have some judgments and limiting beliefs still about what your body “should” look like or what size you should be. It is so hard to accept your body when you still have the beliefs, “I’m too fat” or “I need to lose weight” or do you just not feel good enough at the size you are at?
I would love to do a video to answer your question as this is something that so many women struggle with!! What do you think?
Blessings,
Lauren
Thank you Lauren. Yes I definitely feel like I could revert back to old behaviours if I don’t sort out my thinking.patterns. I still put huge pressure on myself to look/be a certain way. Even though I now have a ‘healthy and fit’ vision it is just as damaging mentally to not be accepting of myself now. I am always mental shaming myself and this leads to me wallowing in negativity. I know deep down that unless I accept myself NOW then my goals to be fitter will just lead me down the ED path again. I hope that makes sense… it was hard to sort out my thoughts!
Yes that makes perfect sense Helena. It is definitely difficult to change your mental patterns but it all starts with just being aware of them. What I started to do was to begin to never ever criticize myself for anything, ever! A HUGE part of my recovery was really working on silencing this ‘mental shaming’ voice that you are talking about and I started to shift away from being a negative person. I was a totally negative person, especially the way I talked to myself! How can you begin to let go of that critical, harsh voice and begin to be your own best friend?
Hi,
I have never posted on any site discussion before so this really has hit a note with me. I had AN in my teens and recovered in my 20’s, somewhere in the middle I ‘managed’ my thoughts to prevent me taking the full route back to AN. Now I am 40 years old, married with 2 teenage daughters and last August had a total overload on negativity that had been slowly building out of control over years. I lost XX Kilos in 2 weeks, starved myself, cut myself off from everyone and self harmed. I have been seeing a therapist but have reached a stage where I can eat with my family and have regained X kilos, but feel fatter than before. The thought process has not changed. Some days the voices are louder than others but they never stop. I hate my body, I dread summer, already, I cover up in baggy clothes, I eat secretly and weigh myself at least 4 times a day. My state of mind is dependent on whether the number on the scales is up or down from the last time. I don’t know which way to go next. I look at your plans and advice but am frightened to move. I feel like my life is sliding out of control and I will be forever fat and never free from the voices in my head. My thoughts and jibes rule my every move. Am I a lost cause? I don’t know, my wall is so big now that not even my husband can get through. I have cut my mother off and cannot relax around anyone. I am ashamed to say that I don’t think I can let go of the AN, I’ve lived with it’s thought process so long I can’t cope with my life without the control it brings. I am sorry if this isn’t relevant to this post, but I needed to talk to someone who may possible understand my ramblings. How do I stop the anger towards myself, how do I turn the negative into positive? As I read, I can eat now, not always healthily – sometimes I feel I have BN creeping in too – but I don’t think I have or ever will be able to love myself for who I am EVER.
Hi Lauren, thank you for this video and the rest of your website – it has been immensely helpful. I was wondering if you could help with the stage of recovery post-weight gain which I feel is often forgotten in recovery resources. I have been in recovery for 9months now and have no problems with eating now – it is intuitive and healthy but I am really,really struggling mentally. In all honesty I thought that I was recovered but then I realised that I was a certain dress size that I still think is *too big*. Right now I don’t want to wear anything except baggy jumpers (summer is approaching = terrified) and am struggling because an awful lot of recovered inspirational figures are still small sizes! I feel huge and am lacking motivation to do anything other than lay in bed… Basically I was wondering how to get over this hurdle of loving myself at any size, and how to exercise without silly expectations of being a sixpack-slim athlete. I know deep down that I am SO much happier now but things like looking in the mirror and clothes shopping still make me cry. Thank you so much. Helena
Hi Helena!
Thank you so much for your comment and for your kind words, I so appreciate it!! I know exactly what you mean, and this is definitely an aspect of recovery that many professionals and women in recovery overlook. And in fact these are the same thought patterns that contributed me going back to the eating disorder, even after a year of no behaviors thinking I was “recovered.” I realized that if I didn’t change my thinking, that I would ALWAYS struggle with it. It sounds like you are in the same situation, that you have some judgments and limiting beliefs still about what your body “should” look like or what size you should be. It is so hard to accept your body when you still have the beliefs, “I’m too fat” or “I need to lose weight” or do you just not feel good enough at the size you are at?
I would love to do a video to answer your question as this is something that so many women struggle with!!
What do you think?
Blessings,
Lauren
Thank you Lauren. Yes I definitely feel like I could revert back to old behaviours if I don’t sort out my thinking.patterns. I still put huge pressure on myself to look/be a certain way. Even though I now have a ‘healthy and fit’ vision it is just as damaging mentally to not be accepting of myself now. I am always mental shaming myself and this leads to me wallowing in negativity. I know deep down that unless I accept myself NOW then my goals to be fitter will just lead me down the ED path again. I hope that makes sense… it was hard to sort out my thoughts!
Yes that makes perfect sense Helena. It is definitely difficult to change your mental patterns but it all starts with just being aware of them. What I started to do was to begin to never ever criticize myself for anything, ever! A HUGE part of my recovery was really working on silencing this ‘mental shaming’ voice that you are talking about and I started to shift away from being a negative person. I was a totally negative person, especially the way I talked to myself! How can you begin to let go of that critical, harsh voice and begin to be your own best friend?
Hi,
I have never posted on any site discussion before so this really has hit a note with me. I had AN in my teens and recovered in my 20’s, somewhere in the middle I ‘managed’ my thoughts to prevent me taking the full route back to AN. Now I am 40 years old, married with 2 teenage daughters and last August had a total overload on negativity that had been slowly building out of control over years. I lost XX Kilos in 2 weeks, starved myself, cut myself off from everyone and self harmed. I have been seeing a therapist but have reached a stage where I can eat with my family and have regained X kilos, but feel fatter than before. The thought process has not changed. Some days the voices are louder than others but they never stop. I hate my body, I dread summer, already, I cover up in baggy clothes, I eat secretly and weigh myself at least 4 times a day. My state of mind is dependent on whether the number on the scales is up or down from the last time. I don’t know which way to go next. I look at your plans and advice but am frightened to move. I feel like my life is sliding out of control and I will be forever fat and never free from the voices in my head. My thoughts and jibes rule my every move. Am I a lost cause? I don’t know, my wall is so big now that not even my husband can get through. I have cut my mother off and cannot relax around anyone. I am ashamed to say that I don’t think I can let go of the AN, I’ve lived with it’s thought process so long I can’t cope with my life without the control it brings. I am sorry if this isn’t relevant to this post, but I needed to talk to someone who may possible understand my ramblings. How do I stop the anger towards myself, how do I turn the negative into positive? As I read, I can eat now, not always healthily – sometimes I feel I have BN creeping in too – but I don’t think I have or ever will be able to love myself for who I am EVER.